On the Outside Looking In
Not surprisingly, “Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain” is getting stellar reviews. It seems harder to find a site that hasn’t given the game a perfect score at this point than one that has. And – full confession – I’m a bit grumpy about it.
See, for as many years as I can remember, I’ve always played the major Game of the Year contenders. Not out of obligation, but because I wanted to. They were games that were already up my particular alley. The added acclaim just made them that much more exciting. “Portal 2”, “Skyrim”, “The Last of Us”, “Gears” and “Halo”, “Journey”…no arm twisting required there. I was always in on the conversation. All the pros and cons, the arguments and reviews and spoiler-casts were all mine for the consumption and – most importantly – I felt I had something to add, even if only in my own head. And I could pat myself on the back for having a pretty good eye for greatness (humbly, of course).
And I was doing really well so far this year too. I’ve played “Bloodborne” and “Batman” and “Witcher” and “Ori”. I have “Fallout 4” and “Halo 5” and even “Battlefront” squarely on my radar. I was ready.
Until this week.
If the reviews are any indication, it seems almost preordained that “Metal Gear” will be GoTY for most…and I almost certainly won’t be playing it, at least not for some time. It’s not the game’s fault. It looks amazing. I know the quality Kojima is capable of producing. It seems like the kind of game that will constantly offer something new and surprising for a long, long bit of playtime.
And I just don’t know how much I’d enjoy it.
I recently tried to go back to the “Metal Gear” HD collection on my Vita. Immediately, I was lost and frustrated again. What the hell is going on? Where am I supposed to go? The controls felt antiquated and stiff and for a game that wanted me to be stealthy, it sure went out of its way to make Snake a clumsy buffoon every time he moves. But perhaps the games just haven’t aged as well, I thought. So I tried “Ground Zeroes”. Marveled at the graphics. Stunned by the production. And again asked myself “What the hell is going on?”, “Where am I supposed to go?” and was spotted almost instantly by every guard patrol.
The truth is I just don’t think the “Metal Gear” series is for me. I like the games fine enough and I definitely appreciate their place in the spectrum but they’re not something I can get excited about the way others do. For whatever reason, I can’t seem to fully embrace the things the make the series special to others – the goofiness, the “play anyway you want” nature of the missions, the multi-game lore that Kojima has crafted. In my mind, “Metal Gear” is a stealth game where I suck at being stealthy, a story-driven experience where I don’t understand what’s happening, and a serious game about counter-intelligence that I can’t take seriously because enemies don’t know why the hell a cardboard box just showed up in the middle of the room. Essentially, I’m trying to play a “Metal Gear” game that’s not “Metal Gear”. And that just doesn’t work.
Fans of the series will no doubt tell me to lighten up, give it more time, I’m not playing it right, this one is different, and all of that is good advice. But with soooooo many other games both currently out and upcoming, I can’t justify at $60 purchase where I just don’t know if what I’m getting is what I want, even if it is supposedly one of the best games ever created.
What’s been surprising this week is how surly this makes me. How this has brought out every bad fanboy tendency from someone who has vocally criticized those tendencies in others. “Surely it can’t be THAT good,” I scoff. “Guess everyone forgot about ‘Witcher’ and ‘Bloodborne’ already,” I harrumph. And the most embarrassing: “Well, of course they said that! They’re all ‘Metal Gear’ fans already! Bias!” It’s petty and stupid and it all comes from one singular place: I feel left out.
For the first time in a while, I will not be in the conversation. I will not be trading stories about my Mother Base setup, or how I completed that mission completely differently from my friends, or how Kojima ended his story. I will not be able to intelligently debate Game of the Year with such a notable omission. I’m the guy at the party standing in the corner just nursing his drink while everyone else has a great old time. Actually – worse – I’m the guy listening to everyone talk about the party I wasn’t invited to attend. Woe is me (and also “first world problems”, I know).
So, what to do? My head says to be smart, to understand that there’s only so much time and money to go around, that other things are more exciting for me personally and deserve my attention, that it’s just a game and my life will not be less fulfilling for not having played it. By then I see yet another website rate the game as “essential” and I can feel myself starting to cave.
And so, restraint…for now. Eventually the game will drop in price to a point where I can no longer resist and I must see what the fuss is about, time and money be damned. Until then, I’ll publicly be happy for the fans of the series and ecstatic for the medium of gaming in general…and try to keep all my scowling and growling on the inside.